It All Comes Out In The Wash

By Natalie Shobana Ambrose
theSun, Malaysia
July 29, 2010

There were only enough clothes to do one load and I didn’t have the luxury of separating my colours and whites. Worried that this colour mix was going to cause a repeat of the many laundry deaths of my white items, I decided to invest in a box of colour catchers. These little felt-like sheets came with big promises to prevent colour runs and staining while mine also came with the endorsement of a friend.

Dumped in the laundry, put the colour catcher in the machine and hoped for the best while waiting for my clothes to come out smelling like a field of lavender minus the fertilizer.

The colour-catcher did “catch” some colour as it wasn’t its white self anymore but neither were my whites!

Another sad, pitiful and unnecessary death of a beautiful crisp white top and patches of pink styled some of my other clothes, what a tragedy it was.

It reminded me of a phrase a friend of mine recently used as we tried to piece together bits of conflicting information about a situation. It wasn’t a murder mystery but still it was important enough for us to want to solve.

After we kept hitting a wall, failing miserably in a huff of defeat he said ‘Well, it will all come out in the wash.” True enough it did! It took a while but the truth was revealed.

Have you noticed that when you try to cover up something it almost never stays covered up? One lie is neveenough for a full cover up and then by the time you’ve fibbed a few too many, it’s hard to keep up.

Recently Wikileaks a whistle blower website claimed that there is evidence of war crimes in US military reports of Afghanistan. Pakistan objects to the insinuation that it is playing double agent between the US and the Taliban, whilst Afghanistan is shocked by it all, as the rest debunk the accusations as false. Wikileaks however claims to have documented evidence.

I guess it could go two ways, either it is hushed down like most high profile cases in Malaysia and the public are given the run around with no answers or the war crimes tribunal might decide to take these allegations seriously and start charging the guilty as they have done with Pol Pots regime.

Just years before, going against the Khmer Rouge would have cost you your life and standing up or talking about the cruelty would have been out of the question. Their leaders were too powerful, untouchable and off limits. But where are they now?

Years later, the truth has caught up with them. If anything history has proven over and again that cover ups get revealed because too many lies have gone before and it’s pretty hard to keep up with them. One cannot continuously cover-up or camouflage the truth because eventually, the truth reveals itself for it is humanly impossible to keep up with even one lie.

Many organisations and governments of the past have been under the assumption that the public need not know about everything because the public get terribly confused with to much information. It’s somewhat like a parent saying, “I’ll tell you when you’re older” and the kid finds out from someone else.

There are many injustices in our very on country that for now we aren’t allowed to speak about, many accusations that are not investigated because it involves those who are too powerful and many conflicting pieces of evidence that make it hard to piece together an accurate conclusion to high profile cases especially when key witnesses are in far away lands.

However just like Cambodia under the rule of the Khmer Rouge, people were probably silenced and not allowed to talk, question or write about things deemed sensitive because it involved the powerful untouchables. Only years later, the very subject is not off limits and neither are the powerful generals of the past.

We live in a time where there is too much dishonesty, silencing and corruption; when standing upright means rebelling. But I still believe that one day it will all come out in the wash.

Natalie is of the opinion that laundry does tell a tale on you.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

Tough Call For Victims

By Natalie Shobana Ambrose
theSun, Malaysia
July 14, 2010

□ “I like the smell of your perfume” says the boss to his female employee.

□ “Can I get a hug?” says the boss to his female staff.

□ “If you want something badly you’ll make sure you’re free to have drinks after work” says the boss to  his female staff.

□ “Women should never be above the man, she should know her place” says the boss in charge of his female employee’s promotion.

□ “It’s not an indecent email, I send it to other women too and no one complaints” says the boss to his female staff.

□ “Looking very sexy today” says the boss to the kebaya clad staff.

Which of the above would you consider sexual harassment?

Would you tick all the boxes or are these lines too naive and laughable that it should not even be mentioned under the harassment heading.

Would gender have anything to do with your response?

Or perhaps the situation, tone of voice and industry in which these lines were uttered might change the acceptability level.

Definitions can sometimes be a slippery slide. I mean this year alone we’ve seen how different interpretations of words, teachings, statements, speeches, parliament debates can be taken the wrong way depending on who says what, when, where and from which side of the fence they represent.

Definitions are subjective and open to interpretation, even wrong interpretation.

So let’s talk about this sexual harassment bill that the Human Resource Ministry has just presented to Parliament. First, I’d like to say it’s about high time something be done in attempting to protect the rights of workers regarding this issue. It’s just sad that it has taken this long and it’s going to take even longer before anything is effictive.

Can you imagine having to prove that you were being sexually harassed?

There isn’t a test you can take that would give you a yay or nay answer. Imagine having to find a witness let alone one willing to go against someone in a supervisory role and be interrogated and questioned repeatedly. It’s quite a lot of trouble especially when people would prefer to stay under the radar and hold a job that helps feed the kids, pay the car loan and the occasional vacation.

It’s a painful procedure. Not only does the victim have to endure being harassed, but then the burden of proof can be even more exasperating – powerless during the harassment and powerless in proving the deed.

One option suggested is to collect evidence – so that means, allowing one’s self to be harassed again or repeatedly but making sure you’re not encouraging the behaviour or ‘asking for it’. Remember the victim’s credibility and height of skirt is also on the stand.

All this for a RM10,000 fine- even then only if it’s a maximum sentence given after much deliberation and character bashing.

By which time, everyone would know the latest office gossip, give you funny looks and you’ll be termed trouble maker. People will try to avoid you like the plague- guilty by association or want to be your friend just to get the juicy gossip.

The bosses won’t be happy, it’s bad press. You won’t be the poster girl for standing up, you’ll be shunned as someone who’s making a mountain out of a mole hill and who makes a fuss about something so ordinary, attention-seeking and troublesome.

It won’t be easy to stay in the job, let alone stopping yourself from questioning every outfit or perfume you put on to make sure you’re not the problem.

Finally, every time you look at your CV or are asked at a job interview why you left your previous job, you’ll have to think twice, three times, check yourself and say convincingly ‘I got a better offer’ or ‘I needed a break’.

All not very convincing responses to a new employer though the negative connotation associated with being a victim of sexual harassment won’t get you the job, period.

Would you then bother to stand up, if you were sexually harassed or would it be easier to just move on quietly?

It’s a tough call.

Natalie knows that sexual harassment doesn’t only happen to women but wonders what sexual harassment laws apply to the cigarette and alcohol sales ladies who parade around in teeny tiny skin hugging outfits.

Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

Discounting The Old

By Natalie Shobana Ambrose

theSun, Malaysia

July 1, 2010

According to my friends, my laptop takes far too long to start up. Personally, I’m a huge fan of my little notebook and accustomed to its personality and hang-ups.

However, when the time comes to replace it, I would actually buy the same model – perhaps in a different colour just to spice it up. It’s not because I’m a creature of habit but because it’s a really good laptop.

It is so much nicer to just upgrade. But what happens to the old?

Perhaps the older I get and the more gravity takes hold, I ponder about what my life will be when I’m older. I know a lot of people heading or headed towards retirement who to me have so much more to contribute in their field but have been told that it’s time to spend more time on the golf course or take a long holiday.

Personally, I think that mandatory retirement below sixty is cruel. No, I’m not talking about the millionaire whose superannuation is just pocket change. I’m talking about the average Shanker, Siti or Su Lin who when they retire, just stop working and quickly grow old.

For most people, our jobs define a huge chunk of our personalities. The first question one get’s asked when meeting new people is "What do you do?" I used to be thoroughly annoyed at this question but realise that this is an easy route to boxing up a person into a list of categories in our heads.

However, I’m guilty of doing it and haven’t come up with anything more creative. But the bottom line is what you do somehow defines who you are no matter how much we tried to detach from it.

We discount the old. Many times I’ve watched how noticeably older people are just passed by in conversation as if they have nothing of value to add. I recently attended a dinner and was seated next to an 88-year-old man.

What interesting conversations we had of his time overseeing rubber plantations during the time his British brothers lived in Malaya – and what good memories he had of our country. You’d think from the wrinkles on his face and his slightly hunched back that there was little conversation one could make, perhaps he couldn’t hear too well or that his social calendar would be pretty empty.

What a pleasant surprise it was when he pulled out his BlackBerry to check his schedule when someone asked if he was free to attend a Champagne Sabering evening – his schedule was filled up and you could see the amazed looks of some of the not as old people at the table who probably weren’t as tech savvy as this gentleman is.

But that is our attitude. It’s so much nicer having the new than the old but then we still yearn for days of old. That’s the secret of success of the new kopitiams where one can sit on wooden chairs made to look aged.

The difference – the kopitiam is air-conditioned, the waiters are foreign but at least the half boiled egg tastes the same, even if it’s 300% more expensive than the good old days – at least the coffee is cheaper than the big brands and it feels a little more authentic.

We are so reckless with what we discard. Look at how we treat the century old Pudu Jail as it is torn down for newer fancier buildings that would bring in more money on prime land. So we lose a bit more of our history, and soon there will be very little left.

On a recent trip to a more secular part of the Middle East where buildings are just popping up within weeks, I yearned to see the old city, of what it was and not as fascinated with the tallest building in the world. Modernity is necessary but it shouldn’t be at the cost of losing a country’s history and identity.

I think about my dinner company a few days ago and can only hope that if I live to a ripe old age it will be as vibrant and that I would not be discounted.

Natalie is grateful that her trusted old laptop still manages to do a good job. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com