Get Off My Road

By Natalie Shobana Ambrose
theSun, Malaysia (page 13)
March 24th, 2011

Use the indicator when turning. Queue up for your turn. Always give way to those on your right. Stopping at a stop sign is not a sign of defeat. Traffic lights are not suggestions. The amber light really means slow down.

Giving way allows for traffic to flow. Do not cut in, no buts or ifs, it’s just not polite. Speeding upon seeing a car turning up ahead doesn’t get you far. Tailgating might be fun for you but not the car in front. High beam headlights are for desert roads and jungle driving not for lighted highways. Yes, it is blinding, get new prescriptions for your glasses if you can’t see.

If you think your car is too expensive to get hit, or too shiny to give way and wait in the jam with other not so nice looking cars, think again. So you’re one of those monster-looking cars that drinks diesel, you don’t have a licence to annihilate everyone in your way. Boy racers, modified cars and motorbikes that need their exhaust checked, please get attention from somewhere else, we really don’t need the extra noise pollution. You talking on the phone while driving, you’re either going too slow, swerving, stuck in the middle of two lanes or just being a hazard to everyone else. Yes, texting and driving has caused many deaths – there’s a movie about it, and even Oprah has a petition against it.

Give way to ambulances, fire engines and those with a siren – something more important than you is happening. Honking in a traffic jam is only allowed for rude drivers who cut in. Don’t hold up traffic; get your tyres, engine, carburettor checked regularly instead of stalling traffic at rush hour.

Pedestrian crossings are not another word for accelerate; stop, let people cross the road without feeling like you’re going to knock them down. Believe it or not, the seatbelt is actually there because you’re not made of steel – it does save lives. Cheating the breathalyser doesn’t mean you’re clear-headed. If you have a death wish, do it on your own time and don’t involve other drivers.

Is it possible for motorcyclists to not swerve in and out of traffic? When it rains, be considerate and try to not splash puddles onto other people’s windscreens and those on foot or bike. Yes, traffic is slow and you’re not the only one who dislikes traffic jams – the person next to you is equally unimpressed.

If you don’t have the right disability, stupidity is not an excuse to park in space reserved for the handicapped. Neither is standing on a vacant parking lot in a bid to book it for a friend.

Cutting in front of me at the traffic light and speeding off before it turns red is not cool. Someone else will only do it to you when you least need it. Try and park within the drawn lines, and don’t fling the car door open hitting the car next to you. "Oops" does not erase that dent or pay for it to be fixed. Sliding in a car park and sticking out on the road only gives women a bad name, even if you’re a man. So don’t do it.

Sunday morning drivers should only take to the roads on Sundays outside the city and not in front of me. And no, I don’t want to see your collection of soft toys and interior decorating skills, I’d much rather you have a clear view of the road in front of you and the big vehicle tail-gating you. Neither do I want to see you picking your nose or putting on mascara; the windows are lightly tinted not blackened – yes people can see you.

Buses that overtake cars have an earth moving effect which is very frightening, so stick to your speed limit. It is wrong for lorries to spill sand and stones on the road, cement mixers to over take and diggers to be on the middle lane holding up traffic. Tankers carrying highly flammable content should have their speedometer limit at 40km. No one wants to deal with that much flammable content.

Finally, roundabouts are not traffic islands – remember always give way to those on your right and not everyone go at once and see who makes it out first or ever.

Natalie is not a fan of bad drivers but concedes that sometimes you have to be one to get to your destination in one piece.

Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

Estrogen Wars

By Natalie Shobana Ambrose
theSun, Malaysia (page 19)
March 10th, 2011

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women” says Madeleine Albright, the former U.S. Secretary of State. Ironic isn’t it, for all the progress women have achieved through the years for equality and yet we ourselves have sabotaged our own progress.

We’ve just celebrated International Women’s Day centenary. One hundred recorded years of acknowledging the equality agenda. The right to vote, to work, own property, impartiality in the work place, the right to education, bodily autonomy, fair and equal pay and engaging in constant disgruntle discussion against sexist oppression. The fight is about gender parity for women and against being dominated by the opposite sex, yet something that is seldom addressed in the open is how women mistreat other women.

For all that has been achieved, women are often mean spirited towards other women, damaging the competition in a personal capacity. Though, not all women display this behaviour, there are so many women who end up exchanging notes about how mean other women have been to them in the work place or in social settings. It’s puzzling, yet not uncommon. Let’s just take a look at popular television. People are making money over cat fights especially on reality based TV shows. Just the shorts of these programmes speak volumes of how women sabotage each other and it is deemed ‘entertaining’- but it doesn’t mean it’s just happening on TV.

Sure, we have our sisterhood of friends discussing personal details of our lives yet our solidarity for other women in general is low. We blame men for the bad state of women’s standing in society, or society for our inferiority complex but in many ways, women are partly responsible. Women bully other women with passive-aggressive behaviour, manipulation, backstabbing, gossip, poor undeserved rating, limiting access to important meetings and information, or blocking access to bosses and mentors, and sabotaging other women’s careers is widespread.

Instead of being supportive, often enough it is women who derail other women’s careers. We seem to have a jealousy gene which we don’t control too well. This unprofessional behaviour seems to be a taboo topic and goes unaddressed. You’ll find courses on improving women’s leadership skills, breaking the glass ceiling and so many other types of women power courses and conferences but hard-pressed to find one encouraging women to go beyond our innate nature, to value and be supportive of each other.

There are many theories of why this is so – scarcity of women in top positions causing more competition, the ‘it’s not intentional’ reason, or the ‘I got here on my own, so why should I help you’ syndrome, the ‘why help someone who could be my replacement?’, or being supportive of another women is showing favouritism. If we want to find an excuse there are plenty but it all boils down to bad destructive behaviour.

It’s seems petty to call one out on such behaviour and the all to common gender stereotype blame on Aunt Flow and how our hormones get the better of us, might deter women from shedding light on the issue. It almost feels like we’re taking giant leaps backwards if we do so, undoing the work of feminine unity of the past. As a result, instead of being accused of being overemotional, best just endure the wrath of false sisterhood solidarity.

Women are in constant contradiction of the feminist movement. On one hand we advocate equality, respect and assume solidarity with one another. Yet at the drop of a hat, there are women who are willing to mistreat another woman to get what they want – be it a career move, popularity or the affections of a desired person. Clearly we have become a barrier in our quest for equality and need to end the estrogen war.

Decoding the reasons why women seem to carry on the mean-girl behaviour from secondary school into adulthood is not important. What’s important is putting a spanner in our misconduct and not letting others get away with it too.

Natalie doesn’t expect special treatment from other women-                                                                         just treat me as well as you do the guys.

Comments: letters@thesundaily.com