I was driving the other day and had a compilation CD playing in the car "100 most beautiful love songs". Didn’t pay much attention to the soothing sounds of the male voice when suddenly my eyes nearly popped out and I gave the radio my disapproving stare. Jack Jones was singing his advice to wives.
He sung… Wives should always be lovers too. That wasn’t my problem, my problem was the rest of the song where he says in his soothing voice – I’m warning youuuuuu
Day after day,
There are girls in the office
And men will always be men
Don’t send them off
With your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
Shock, horror, fright. The feminist in me was throwing a fit. How condescending was this song and how could anyone say, or sing, such detrimental lyrics. Whoever listed this as a beautiful love song should have their heads examined.
It’s a good thing Jack was not in front of me, I’d have given him a piece of my mind by singing "Hit the road Jack and don’t you come back no more no more no more no more" while knocking some stiletto sense into him.
To those still reading this article, you might think I’m quite the feminist or just plain mental. Either way, very unflattering terms. I wasn’t always like this. I became more of a feminist when I went to New Zealand – the first country to allow women to vote.
I’d borrowed as much as I could carry from the library and was heading towards the tall cafeteria swing doors. When suddenly the doors just hit me. I was sure there was a guy ahead of me, so why didn’t he hold the door open? After seething my disapproval to my new found Kiwi friends, I in turn began my education in equality, feminism, woman’s rights, etc.
That’s when I learned that men were actually afraid to open/ hold doors for women! Of course they were if women were biting off their heads each time they did so.
What a sad state of affairs. I was suddenly so grateful for the Malaysian men in my life who actually open doors. (Readers note: not all Malaysian men)
A lot of the times, there is confusion about feminism and femininity. Even extremes – like when people think that you have to choose between having rights or being feminine. Feminism, to many, comes across as men bashing, when it’s really about women wanting to have the same – and equal – opportunities men have.
It’s a good thing I won’t get 40 lashes for mingling with men, or that men won’t get arrested for seeking an autograph from a female writer – though it is worrying that such incidents had occurred just last week in other parts of the world. I’m also grateful to the "feminists" who continue to fight for women’s rights – simply to be equal and not be discriminated because of gender.
Though in all this, chivalry has gone AWOL. Sometimes I wonder if men have been socialised by women to be brute. So many times I’ve been caught in a situation where I hesitate to walk out of the lift first because I’m not sure if chivalry took the day off. And I’m pleasantly surprised when the door is held open for me.
I believe that men and women are equal, with different strengths. Pulling out a chair or holding the door open for me doesn’t make me the weaker sex.
There is something refreshing when a guy holds the lift door or lets a woman walk through first because, even though I want equal rights, equal opportunities, equal pay and am fully capable of
opening the door for myself, I am still fond of chivalrous men.
It irks me when I see a male boss walking freely while his female PA scurries behind carrying his briefcase. Is it that hard to treat her with respect? I can’t imagine her singing "You make me feel like a natural woman" while she carries his heavy load.
No, I’ve not been watching too many romantic movies. I just believe that it is okay to be chivalrous and that chivalry is really about treating each other politely and with respect.
And maybe we’d get better at it once we understand the difference between women’s rights and treating a woman right.
Natalie appreciates common courtesy from both genders in today’s world but wonders how knights behaved during the Age of Chivalry.
Comment: letters@thesundaily.com
