theSun, Malaysia (page 14)
June 16th, 2011
The sign on the back of the Malaysian taxi advertised a local website: “Catch A Cheating Spouse”. At first it was amusing. Clearly there was a growing need for this service, seeing as how some people were making enough money for their services to be advertised behind a taxi – and I’m guessing not just one taxi. Then it struck a chord, having known of quite a few people who have been subjected to a cheating other half and the deep pain of betrayal that comes with it. In recent times, there have been many stories of infidelity. A slew of famous wives have unwillingly become part of a growing club of cheating influential husbands. So who’s to blame? If I were to use the logic of a local wives club, the fairer sex in the relationship would be blamed for not fulfilling her duties as a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a “first-class prostitute” in the bedroom, to quote the leader of this club. If anything, this logic proves that women are their own worst enemies.
This form of misplaced blame feeds into a culture of fear surrounding marriage. On one hand, we so easily get caught up in a fairytale wedding like that of the recent royal nuptials (though both Kate and Diana omitted the word obey from their wedding vows, the former’s decision was met with praise while the latter’s caused disdain). Yet at the same time, we know that wedding rings can easily be removed, so some now tattoo their rings so as to imply that ink on skin carries more weight than ink on a legal document, forgetting that a promise is far more than legal paperwork.
While others might not believe in getting married, saying “why change what we have?”, the reality is that most people know the pain of a lipstick-stained collar and how easy it is to be a cheating heart. Though infidelity is not restricted to men, they are the more common perpetrator. It takes a lot to protect a relationship and be faithful especially when temptation is rife.
From being amused at the advertisement at the back of the taxi to it being a sad reminder of the level of integrity we have especially in our personal relationships. We seem to laugh thinking that infidelity is rampant in Hollywood and the western world but not in our Asian societies, but surely it is, if not the Obedient Wives Club would not have been formed. Perhaps the attention stemmed from the audacity and misguided implication that women are to be blamed for their husbands straying. The ugly truth is though, at the end of the day, if a person wants to cheat – nothing is going to stop them. Blame shifting and citing the spouse as a reason for infidelity is a coward’s approach.
Relationships today come with different challenges. The role of men and women is constantly evolving. In the past, women generally stayed at home, but today many work and don’t cook or clean or even know how to change a nappy. Are these signs of a disobedient wife? What about men who are stay-at-home dads? Traditional roles are being challenged and we have to change with the times.
I would like to think a good marriage includes mutual respect, not a laundry list of what a spouse can, cannot or should do. We all have things we can’t stand doing. I love to cook but I seem to be allergic to washing up. It doesn’t mean I won’t do it, it just means that I’d be happy if someone else did it. Perhaps this may be interpreted as a lack of submission or that I do not know my place. I say wake up!
The world has changed. Marriage shouldn’t make maids out of wives and errand boys out of husbands. Life on its own is hard enough and marriage has to enhance an already good life, not make it any more miserable. But that doesn’t mean we quit when it gets tough. In order for any relationship to flourish and sustain, there needs to be balance, mutual respect, trust, validation, and there has to be integrity – all of which require immense daily hard work from both partners. Perhaps that’s too tall an order to place on anyone in today’s society and that in itself is heartbreaking. One thing’s for sure though – if you marry a person who cheats, then you marry someone who will cheat on you and no number of prostitution classes can change that!
Natalie believes that it’s not only important to find the right mate but for each mate to be right for the other.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
** Note:
This article has been heavily edited and does not accurately reflect the original work submitted.
** Note:
This article has been heavily edited and does not accurately reflect the original work submitted.
